Parenting: Ways to Deal With Defiant Teens

Ways to Deal With Defiant Teens

It’s tough for parents to understand how to handle a defiant teen. The frustration comes with trying various strategies to deal with the seemingly out of control behavior and feeling like nothing is working. The ability to “get through to them” oftentimes leads to more parent teen differences and the loss of one of the primary adhesives to all healthy relationships: trust. The subsequent conflict sometimes sends teens down a road of more negative behavior. The key to turning the situation around and putting teens on a positive path is parental awareness and expressing understanding about how their teen feels. Here are some ways to do that:

1. Underlying Reason

At the baseline of all of the raw emotions defiant teens express is an underlying reason. Teens have difficulties with peers, socializing, dating, school and other external relationships that may be causing misplaced aggression. For most teens, parents are their “cushion,” you are the place they go for comfort, consolation, encouragement, love and understanding. Sometimes they just want parents to listen. Then express empathy for what they are going through. Listening and empathy oftentimes turns a negative situation into a positive one.

2. Minimize Idle Time

Busy teens who participate in activities tend to perform better in school, have healthier relationships with their parents and peers and are less likely to get involved with risky behavior.

3. It’s a Battlefield: Choose Wisely

As teens gain more independence and continue to discover who they are as individuals, parent child differences increase. Choose situations to contend with based on their level of safety and importance. Certainly a teen’s choice of shoes is not as much of a call for parental intervention as hanging out with peers who are on a negative path.

4. Make Problem Solving a Team Effort

Even though they roll their eyes and stomp their feet, teens still consider parents a people they can turn to to work through their problems. What’s important for parents to understand is that teens are growing up and with that comes the important skills like decision making and problem solving. Therefore, listening, asking questions such as “What do you think about that,” and providing advice when necessary is the best way to help teens work through issues. It shows them that parents are there for them, with them, and, together they will get though the problem.

For more about ways to deal with parenting teens, visit: http://www.realbeautyinsideout.com

Raising Teens: What Berkeley & Brooklyn Moms Have In Common

What Berkeley & Brooklyn Moms Have In Common

Dr. Trevicia Williams empowers moms and daughters during her I Love You, But, I Can’t Stand You Right Now seminar

Puberty’s effect on teens doesn’t begin to compare with its impact on moms. It is a common thread for all moms. There’s a storm of emotional, psychological, physical and social changes that occur during the adolescent years. What’s going on physically greatly affects an adolescent’s needs, desires, interests, and, emotions. As a tween and teen’s physical appearance changes, his or her social influence is altered as well.

 

Great social influence is like putting a propeller on the range of emotional transformations adolescents go through. Physical changes, such as breast development, menstruation, facial hair, deeper voice and the like, affect children’s social experiences. Volatile hormones is not an excuse for extremes in moods and behavior, it’s a reality. Rapidly changing hormones is an explosion of chemicals racing through the body. Bodily changes can both positively and negatively affect a child’s social life. Teens who develop slower might experience less popularity than those who mature more quickly. The new attention or lack thereof affects a child’s self-esteem and confidence.

Parents of teens share many of the same concerns, such as:

Family Rules: Chores, Curfews, Driving, Hanging Out, Home Alone, Messy Room, Parties, Phones, Privacy, Screen Time, Social Networking, etc. ; Health and Behavior: Acne, Anger, Body Image, Cliques, Depression, Disorganization, Out of Control Teens, Eating Disorders, Fears, Friends, Insurance, Orthodontia, Passivity, Sleep, Spirituality; Activities, Events & Fun: Biking, Classes, Concerts, Friendships, Halloween, Moving, Parties, Prom, Sleepovers, Socializing, Spirituality, Sports, Summer, Travel, etc; Clothes, Grooming & Their Stuff: Acne, Allowance, Bras, Clothing, Credit Cards, Ebay, Gifts, Hair, Makeup, Phones, Tatoos, Piercings, etc.; and, Dating, Relationships & Sexuality: Dating, Homophobia, Menstruation, Overnighters, Sexually Active Teen, Talking about Sex, The Boyfriend’s Parents, The Pill, etc. and the like.

 

Parenting during this stage has  proven to be one of the most challenging and trying times of a parent’s relationship with his/her child. However, realizing that adolescence is a stage that will pass and loving them through it makes a world of difference. Here are a few ways to help your child get through this stage:

Listen. In general, most people tend to talk more than they listen; however, it’s important to hear your teen out. Give him your undivided attention. When your teen wants to talk is the worst time for multitasking. Eliminate all distractions such as radio, tv and/or cooking. Show him that you heard what he said by, in your own words, repeating what he told you. If for any reason what your restate is inaccurate, it provides your child an opportunity to explain it another way.

Set a Who, When, Where, and How Rule. During my mother daughter healthy relationship seminar: I Love You But I Can’t Stand You Right Now (TM), I always tell teens that if they want to get more yeses when they ask their parents if they can do something, they need to provide them with answers to who they want to do the activity with, when the activity starts, ends and time they will return home, where the activity will take place, and how they are expecting to get there and return home. When there’s secrecy, there’s cause for concern.

Spend Time Together. Although your teen is gaining more independence, he still needs your love, support, guidance and attention and to have fun with you. Set regular dates to spend quality time together. Simple things like going to Starbucks, playing a sport together, teaching a new skill or letting them teach you something you didn’t know about a topic of interest and watching a movie allows for quality time. Those are times they never forget.

Encourage. Praise and encouragement provides the necessary support your teen needs to stay motivated and perform his best.

Model the Behavior You Want to See. Children learn far more about how to behave by watching their parents than they do by listening to their instructions. For example, if you want your teen to be confident, try to refrain from criticizing yourself in their presence. They are paying attention and taking notes.