National Bullying Prevention Month: Adult Bullies in Workplace, Friends and Family

October is National Bullying Prevention Month, and, while most of the attention concerning the topic focuses on children in schools, adult bullying is a serious issue too. Bullying is an abusive behavior that involves intimidation and aggression with the bully’s intention to control another individual. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. The objective is to dominate and show some form of power psychologically, socially and/or physically.

Often times people only think of bullying within the context of children in schools. While that is an ongoing issue that needs attention there are adults who are bullied that need to have their voices heard too. Manipulative adults abuse in many of the ways children do. However, it happens within the context of family, workplace, universities or colleges and cyber space.

The four types of bullying include: 1. emotional and psychological 2. verbal; 3. physical; and, 4. cyber. Verbal abuse can be just as damaging as physical and psychological abuse; therefore, it should not be dismissed because it’s not hands on. Bullies usually target their victims based on differences in socioeconomic status, image, demeanor, ethnic background, physical build, social status, gender, faith, political views and abilities.

Race and gender are protected classes of people and  are protected by certain laws in the U.S.  Bullying can be person-to-person or it can occur in groups. It is referred to as peer abuse when it happens at school or at one’s job. It oftentimes involves abuse such as subdued behavior that isn’t immediately obvious.

There are possibilities for bullying anytime human beings have contact or interact with each other. Notable environments include communities, homes, place of employment, schools, grocery stores, school buses…the list goes on.

Types of Bullying
Cyber Bullying & Social Bullying
Verbal Bullying
School Bullying
Text Bullying
Workplace Bullying
Bullying Parents
Bullying Harassment
Physical Bullying
Name Calling vs. Bullying
Female Bullying

Ways to stop bullying:

1. Don’t blame yourself. Extended tolerance of bullying behavior can cause one to feel like it’s their fault. However, that couldn’t be further from the truth. We all have choices and the way we treat one another is no exception. Bullies like negative reactions. It’s instant gratification for their abusive behavior. Don’t feed their low self esteem by showing them that they are bothering you.

2. Use the attract more flies with honey approach. Being kind to the person can sometimes change their disposition. Often times bullies will target those they consider to be a threat to their position personally or professionally. Try greeting the individual when you see him and showing him that you are there to help not hurt. Use kindness with caution because it can also be perceived as acceptance of the behavior.

3. Silence means tolerance. Therefore, speak up for yourself if you’re the person being bullied. Let the bully know the behavior is offensive and that it will not be tolerated.

4. Speak up for someone you witness being bullied.

5. Get third party help. This could be a co-worker who has witnessed the abuse or human resource personnel. If it’s a friend or a family member, try talking with someone that you trust or seek professional help e.g., doctor, counselor, psychologist, therapist.

Healthy Relationships: Ways to Avoid Psychological Bullying and Manipulation

Psychological bullying is pervasive; however, there are ways to identify and handle manipulative people who use others for personal agendas. Psychological manipulation can be described as “undue influence” through emotional abuse and mental exploitation, with the intention to gain power, control, advantages at a targeted person’s expense.

Whether it’s spiritual, pastoral, platonic, intimate, family, business, or friends, all healthy relationships involve love, respect, and, mutual concern for the well being of the other person. Most people experience healthy reciprocation of giving and taking. It occurs when there’s a balanced exchange of benefits and privileges. However, when there’s an imbalance in what is exchanged emotionally, psychologically, physically, spiritually, or financially by parties, one person is being psychologically manipulated and is used for the benefit of another. The manipulator intentionally devises a plan that creates unfair leverage of power, and exploits the targeted person for the purposes of fulfilling or accomplishing his or her plan of action.

ABC’s 20/20 recently did a story about how millions of people who are hurting and in difficult situations are manipulated by psychics, readers, witchcraft workers, and, witches everyday. People spend millions of dollars seeking answers to heart felt questions that they never get. Take a look at 20/20’s story: http://abcnews.go.com/US/private-investigator-helped-recover-2m-psychic-fraud-victims/story?id=23348889.

God is THE only true, wholesome, full spectrum answer to your problems. You must always question the integrity of information when you are paying for it. Pick up the King James version of the Holy Bible and read, study, learn for yourself. Accept Jesus as your Lord & Savior and ask God to come into your life, and heart. Seek Him for help. In doing so, you will be comforted and you will find peace and love and ultimately answers. Oftentimes, you’re not ready for THE answer because you need to heal first. So, don’t press God for answers, rather, seek a wholesome personal relationship with Him. He will guide you from that time forward and you will never feel the need to seek answers elsewhere (especially if they require large sums of money).

To identify people who bully psychologically or are manipulative, look for these characteristics:

1. Someone who seeks to learn your weaknesses right away and persist until they do;
2. Someone who uses your weaknesses to their advantage; and,
3. Someone who talks you into relinquishing something personal for their own personal gain.

YOU must stop the manipulator or the problem will only get worse. You reclaim self by first knowing your inherent rights as a human being. As long as you do not violate others, you have the right to defend yourself and protect your rights. Alternatively, if you violate others, you may forego these rights:

Not to be psychologically violated

To develop and maintain your own personal views and perspectives

To express your emotions and desires

To expect to be respected and treated the way you treat others

The right to prioritize and establish boundaries

To decline offers by either choosing to think about the offer prior to making a decision or simply saying no

Not to subject yourself to harm by removing self from a psychologically, mentally, physically, spiritually or emotionally abusive person or situation

To be free of torment, abuse, ongoing conflict and create an environment that enables you to be happy and healthy